Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
