Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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