quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
