fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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