I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
