just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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