Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
