32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
