I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
