Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
