Already got asked if we're dating
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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