Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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