Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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