Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
