I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
