Already got asked if we're dating
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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