A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize