So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize