he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
