you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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