Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
