On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
