Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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