I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
this hospital has no fireball
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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