when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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