Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
