I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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