Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
