We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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