I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
