I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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