haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
