There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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