Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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