Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
