This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
