I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I am one with the molecules
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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