After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
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I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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