I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
