Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
