I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You can't just leave with hair like that
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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