I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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