Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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