watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
