So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
