So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
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You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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