1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I am midnight drunk by noon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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