So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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