what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
And then he peed in my hair
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