I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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