Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
