You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
