But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you had me at cake vodka
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
