you're like a bully in the Christmas story
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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