I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sext me about skeletons
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
