11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just found puke in my bra..
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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