I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
