Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
