the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
