Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
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He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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