Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
