he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We have started to decorate penises.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
