like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
