I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize