He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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