Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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