i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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