When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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