people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
